One of the most common issues I deal with in my work as a coach is helping people to be more confident. Lack of confidence holds so many of us back. It often stops us from living the life that, deep down, we know we’d like to lead.
The good news is that you can learn to be more confident. It is a skill that you can develop. Like all skills, it needs practice. But it is within our grasp. I believe greater confidence is something that we can all learn to achieve.
My approach to helping to boost people’s confidence is influenced by something I read in Matthew Parris’s autobiography, Chance Witness. He was talking about an incident when he was at school. Something happened that required an act of bravery of one of the boys. The young Matthew was as frightened as everyone else, but stepped up to the challenge. Afterwards everyone said how brave he’d been. He wrote that he didn’t feel brave at the time, but “by acting as if I was brave, I became brave”.
A similar approach works particularly well with confidence. If you act as if you are confident, you become confident. Try it, and see for yourself.
Below I outline some of the things you can do boost your confidence. I would be very happy to talk to you about applying these tips. Call me on 07947 959869 to arrange your free initial consultation.
You can learn to be more confident and outgoing. There’s no need to be held back. Take your first steps today, and see the difference that living with confidence makes to your life.
1. Stand tall
Have you noticed how confident people tend to have a larger than life presence? And those who apologise for themselves tend to shrink away? To project a more confident image, stand tall. Feel the ground through your feet. Hold your head up high and look around.
2. Eye contact
Timid people tend to avoid others’ eyes. Once you are standing up tall, you will find it easier to look into people’s eyes. Make your eye contact friendly. You’ll be surprised how often this invites a smile.
3. Believe in yourself
Value what makes you unique. What gives you energy? What are your passions? Believe in these aspects of yourself. Be enthusiastic about them. This will make you more confident, and more interesting.
4. Let go of the past
Through your life to date you may have picked up all sorts of messages that you’ve interpreted to mean that you’re not worthy, that you’re boring, that you should apologise for who you are. Decide not to be constrained by such ways of thinking any more. My experience is that we can decide to change the way we think and behave. We don’t have to continue to act in the same way. How would your life be different if you let go of all those experiences and beliefs that hold you back? Have a go at letting go. And do it today. Life’s too short to live it in the shadows.
5. Believe
Belief is the essence of all change. What distinguishes successful people from the rest is the fact that they believe in themselves. Even if you don’t believe, act as if you did believe. What would you do if you really believed you were more confident? How would it change your behaviour? Don’t waste another day. Have a go at putting it into practice and see the difference it can make.
You can learn to be more confident. Try pretending to be more confident. Do it in front of a mirror if it helps. Then take your new creation out into the world. You can do it, and your life will be happier as a result.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Feeling good about yourself
Feeling good about yourself is a sure-fire way to increase your attractiveness. We are all attracted to people who like themselves. We are drawn to them because they help us to feel better about ourselves and to see the world as a kinder, more enjoyable place. I outline below my five steps to feeling good about yourself.
1. Value yourself
What makes you special? What skills, strengths and talents do you have? Try to think widely here. You may take some of these for granted. If you can cook, make people laugh or are a good listener, these are all talents that you should value. They help to make you unique, the special person that you have it in you to be. Write down a list of all the positive things that make you you, and celebrate them.
2. Engage with the world
How often have you heard people telling others to get a life? We all know that too much TV or time online saps our spirit and energy, but on these cold winter nights, they provide easy comfort. The internet, especially, can provide us with the illusion of being connected to other people, but how real are the relationships you have there? You will feel so much better about yourself if you engage with those around you. Try to do at least one thing a week for other people. This could be something as simple as talking to your elderly neighbour or as potentially life-changing as volunteering to do something for your community. Engaging with the world, and doing things for other people help to make us feel better about ourselves and make us more interesting people.
3. Be positive
There are times when sarcasm and cynicism can be useful safety valves, but as a rule they eat away at us. We all know how attractive positive people are. They make us feel good about life, that things are worth it. Have a look at your attitudes to things. What are your expectations before you embark on something? If you go into a given situation believing that it will go well, your brain will be alert to the signals to confirm you in your belief. If, however, you are expecting it to go badly, you will pick up signs to support this, thus making a bad outcome more likely. If you find yourself thinking negatively, catch yourself. Consciously turn the negative thought round to a positive one. Even if it’s hard to believe, tell yourself that things can and will go well. You’ll be surprised at the result.
4. Act confidently
Few people claim to be confident. But the good news is that confidence can be learnt. Think about those you know who appear confident. What is it about them that makes you think they are confident? How do they dress? How do they hold themselves? How do they speak? What could you learn from them? Enthusiasm, energy and posture all contribute to the appearance of confidence. If you want to appear confident, stand up tall, look people in the eye and smile. Even if you don’t feel confident, if you act as if you are confident you will see your confidence levels rise. Another way to boost your confidence is to improve your competence at something. Have a look at the things you identified as your skills, strengths and talents above. Which of these could you become really good at? When you know what you’re talking about, your confidence naturally increases.
5. Smile
I cannot over-emphasise the importance of smiling. Our face tells the world what’s going on inside. How we feel is reflected there. And we are drawn to happy people. As with confidence, we can decide to present a happy image to the world. Whether you’re feeling up or down, if you can manage to smile, it changes things. This is especially true if you are out and about. It is incredible how many people who appear frosty or even aggressive respond so positively to a smile. And when they smile back, it can make your day!
You can learn to feel good about yourself. As with anything new, it takes practice. The first move is the decision to do something. Engage your will in this exciting new venture: a happy, confident, attractive you. Believe you can do it and enjoy the results!
1. Value yourself
What makes you special? What skills, strengths and talents do you have? Try to think widely here. You may take some of these for granted. If you can cook, make people laugh or are a good listener, these are all talents that you should value. They help to make you unique, the special person that you have it in you to be. Write down a list of all the positive things that make you you, and celebrate them.
2. Engage with the world
How often have you heard people telling others to get a life? We all know that too much TV or time online saps our spirit and energy, but on these cold winter nights, they provide easy comfort. The internet, especially, can provide us with the illusion of being connected to other people, but how real are the relationships you have there? You will feel so much better about yourself if you engage with those around you. Try to do at least one thing a week for other people. This could be something as simple as talking to your elderly neighbour or as potentially life-changing as volunteering to do something for your community. Engaging with the world, and doing things for other people help to make us feel better about ourselves and make us more interesting people.
3. Be positive
There are times when sarcasm and cynicism can be useful safety valves, but as a rule they eat away at us. We all know how attractive positive people are. They make us feel good about life, that things are worth it. Have a look at your attitudes to things. What are your expectations before you embark on something? If you go into a given situation believing that it will go well, your brain will be alert to the signals to confirm you in your belief. If, however, you are expecting it to go badly, you will pick up signs to support this, thus making a bad outcome more likely. If you find yourself thinking negatively, catch yourself. Consciously turn the negative thought round to a positive one. Even if it’s hard to believe, tell yourself that things can and will go well. You’ll be surprised at the result.
4. Act confidently
Few people claim to be confident. But the good news is that confidence can be learnt. Think about those you know who appear confident. What is it about them that makes you think they are confident? How do they dress? How do they hold themselves? How do they speak? What could you learn from them? Enthusiasm, energy and posture all contribute to the appearance of confidence. If you want to appear confident, stand up tall, look people in the eye and smile. Even if you don’t feel confident, if you act as if you are confident you will see your confidence levels rise. Another way to boost your confidence is to improve your competence at something. Have a look at the things you identified as your skills, strengths and talents above. Which of these could you become really good at? When you know what you’re talking about, your confidence naturally increases.
5. Smile
I cannot over-emphasise the importance of smiling. Our face tells the world what’s going on inside. How we feel is reflected there. And we are drawn to happy people. As with confidence, we can decide to present a happy image to the world. Whether you’re feeling up or down, if you can manage to smile, it changes things. This is especially true if you are out and about. It is incredible how many people who appear frosty or even aggressive respond so positively to a smile. And when they smile back, it can make your day!
You can learn to feel good about yourself. As with anything new, it takes practice. The first move is the decision to do something. Engage your will in this exciting new venture: a happy, confident, attractive you. Believe you can do it and enjoy the results!
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