Many of those who write about personal happiness and fulfilment promote the myth that if you do things correctly, you can have, or be, anything you want. It’s rare to hear from such people that sometimes things don’t go your way. But we all live in the real world. We know that no matter how hard we try, how positive our outlook or how strong our belief, sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want them to.
How we respond to setbacks and disappointment is, I believe, the true measure of our character. It’s easy to trust the universe to supply your needs when things are going well. But what about when they’re not?
I’ve been inspired recently by the story of my friend whom I shall call Emma.
She has asked me to remove the story about her relationship from this blog, so there are no details of it here. The important thing is that Emma, bounced back. I offer my tips to help you to bounce back below.
Tips for building your resilience
1. Take responsibility
The first step is to recognise that you have choices. You can decide to take responsibility for how you react to the situation you find yourself in. Try to be constructive rather than letting it get to you, and spending your energy blaming other people or yourself. The more responsibility you take for the situation you find yourself in, even if the fact that you are there may not be your fault, the more likely it is that you’ll find ways to overcome it.
2. Look at things you can do something about
There is no point wasting time and energy on things that you cannot change. The festival goers at
3. Act
So often action is the best way to deal with feeling trapped or frustrated. Many of those I work with are prone to over-analysing things. They spend so much energy predicting and planning possible outcomes in their heads. What they discover is that when they get on with doing something, they break the spell their thoughts have over them. If you’re in a difficult situation, what’s the first thing you could do to get yourself out of it? When you’ve identified what it is, just do it.
4. Keep things in perspective
When we’re disappointed or frustrated, it’s easy for things to seem larger or more powerful that they actually are. We taunt ourselves with thoughts that “this always happens to me”, or that it’s “typical”. The reality is likely to be more nuanced. If we can take a deep breath, step back and look in on the situation, we can sometimes see that things aren’t as bad as they seem.
5. Persevere
I’m always impressed with people who keep on plugging away, despite setbacks. Just because a date hasn’t worked out, for example, doesn’t mean that you’re destined always to be alone. The fact that someone hasn’t responded to your call may not mean they don’t want to speak to you. It may just have slipped their mind. Give it another try. Don’t give up!
Resilience is a wonderful asset. The ability to bounce back is one of the characteristics of people who make the most of their lives. Resolve today to be resilient and bounce back whenever life presents its inevitable challenges.
