Believe in yourself

Over the last few weeks I’ve made friends with Tom Robinson. For those of you with long enough memories, Tom was a famous pop star in the ‘70s and ‘80s. He’s now a presenter on BBC 6 Music. We met through MySpace and became friends after we discovered that we lived in the same part of London. When we had lunch together recently, we spent a lot of time talking about success. One of the things that Tom does is to coach people who want to make it in the music business. He helps them with all aspects of making, producing and promoting music. His line is that anyone can make it if they’re prepared to work hard enough and make sacrifices. Talent is secondary to the determination to succeed.

My firm conviction is that people succeed with a combination of talent, self-belief and hard work. Of these, I think that self-belief is the most important. When he was just 17 years old, George Michael won a record contract for himself and Andrew Ridgely because he knew, in the depths of his soul, that he’d written a song that would be a number one. His utter conviction that in Careless Whisper he had a hit gave him the drive charmingly to batter his way into record companies’ offices and to get meetings with the men who gave Wham! their first record contract. Looking back he considers the teenage George to have been “an arrogant little bastard”, but his deep self-belief in his talents were the spur to his early success.

So many talented, hardworking people are stuck in mediocrity because they don’t believe in themselves. Many of us were brought up to be modest and to understate our strengths. It’s sadly a strong part of the British character.

I’d love to rid Britain of this tendency to put ourselves down. It saddens me when people feel their talents belong in the shade, not in the full light of successful expression. In contrast, I find myself inspired by those who are talented, and make the most of their flair and their gifts. It’s wonderful when talent, self-belief and hard work come together and lend fulfilment to those who express them. Our country would be the richer for a little more celebration of such success.

Self-belief seems to be the one area that holds back so much latent talent. I offer my tips on boosting your self-belief below. If any of this rings bells for you, do get in touch. I’d love to hear from you.

Let this summer be the time when you take yourself and your talents seriously, and enjoy them. Resolve to do something constructive about them before the leaves begin to fall. May each one of you enrich the world by making the most of whatever it is that you’re good at. Be someone who brings their talents into the light.

My tips for building self-belief

1. Watch your language

Use conversations with other people as opportunities to build yourself up rather than put yourself down. What impression do you give when you say “it’s only me” or “I’m not really that good at it”? If your conversation is peppered with self-criticism, you will drain other people’s energy and good will. Instead, you can choose to present a self-assured image to the world. Accept people’s praise and compliments. It’s not arrogant to say “thank you” when someone tells you how well you’ve done.

2. Spend time with those who build you up

We all know people whose negativity drains us of energy. If you want to build yourself up, you need to spend less time with such people. Foster and nurture relationships with those who have a positive outlook on life. From your friends, who makes you feel the best about yourself? Resolve to see more of them and make arrangements to do so.

3. Affirm yourself

If you were an outsider, looking in on your life, what things would you say to support and encourage yourself? Build these into a list of affirmations. They might be things like “I am a talented musician” or “I am a good mother” or “I will make the most of my life”. It’s important to give yourself positive messages, even if at the time you don’t feel like you believe them. Repeat them to yourself as often as you can.

4. Persevere

Success is unlikely to come to you on a plate. The way I’ve built my coaching business up is a testimony to my perseverance. I’m not put off by people not returning my calls or answering my emails. Last week I heard back from two potential sources of new work who both praised my charming persistence. These leads are both moving forward, and are likely to bring me work. Neither would have done so without my dogged determination.

5. Keep things in perspective

Some would suggest that you need to become totally absorbed by your goals if you are to succeed. I think that enduring success will depend on leading a balanced life. It’s important to maintain relationships with those that matter to you, and to have a life that’s about more than just your ambitions. You’ll have more energy to make things happen if your life is more balanced.

Let your belief in yourself be the spur to your making the most of your talents. Build yourself up, work hard and believe in your ability to make the most of who you are. You are unique. Rejoice in that uniqueness. Bring your talents into the light.