Your time to shine

Over the five years I’ve been earning my living by helping others to change their lives for the better, I’ve met some fantastic people. Many of those I’ve coached are talented, attractive people who needed my help to believe in themselves more.

One trait I’ve noticed in many is what I call “false modesty”. It hurts me, it honestly does, when someone who’s obviously good at what they do dismisses a compliment that is graciously offered to them. It’s as if they think there’s some jinx associated with another speaking well of them, that it’s somehow arrogant or boastful to acknowledge their skill, success, beauty or talents.

I have met some people who are full of themselves, who relish telling you how important they are. These are generally not the sort of people who come to me for coaching, nor, I venture, who read these articles. If you’re reading this, my guess is that you’re more likely to hide your talents under a bushel than to let your light shine.

When I’ve challenged people about their false modesty, the reason they often give for it is not wanting to come across as arrogant. I cannot imagine any of those I’ve had this conversation with appearing arrogant. My fear is that their reluctance to acknowledge what’s good about who they are or what they do leads them to diminish themselves and limit what they have it in themselves to be.

As Marianne Williamson put it in her beautiful poem that Nelson Mandela read on his inauguration as president of South Africa,

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Whether or not you believe in a god, it’s abundantly clear that those who delight in their skills and attributes help us all to feel better about ourselves. What are you going to do in the week ahead to let your light shine? It’s your time to shine. Get out there and light up the world around you.



Letting your light shine: some tips

1. Smile

When someone pays you a compliment, smile. How you react is completely in your control. You can choose to send a message to your face muscles to smile.

2. Say thank you

You honour the person paying you the compliment if you thank them for it. They’ve taken the trouble to say something good about you. Saying thank you will help them to feel good too.

3. Pay attention

There is nothing more off-putting when you’re talking to someone than them ignoring or not hearing you. Again, you honour the person paying you a compliment if you pay full attention to what they are saying. Listen well. You may pick up something you didn’t know or notice through the comments of the other.

4. Share the praise

If what you’re being complimented on was a team effort, make sure to acknowledge the contribution others have made. But don’t use this as a smokescreen for your own contribution. It’s disingenuous to say it was a group effort if you played an important role. Yes, share the praise, but make sure you accept some for yourself.

5. Be generous with your compliments

There should be no expectation of reciprocity on compliments, although complimenting the other person is one way many people choose to deal with them. If this is your pattern, have a go at not doing this next time you’re complimented. But there is a wider issue of generosity of spirit. You spread goodwill when you notice and make positive remarks about others.

So next time you receive a compliment, may you unselfconsciously and graciously accept. As you let your light shine, you make the world a happier, brighter place. Remember, it’s your time to shine.