Think first, the feelings will follow

I’ve been taking salsa classes for about a year now. Usually I leave the club on such a high, the three or four hours I’ve been dancing having passed in a delightful whirling blur. Last week it was different. Having gone into the class full of confidence, my belief in my ability to dance, to hear the music and move in time to it drained away. An old croaky voice inside my head rose from its grave: ”You’re uncoordinated”; ”You’re no good at this”; “What a waste of time!”

It was as I was on my way home that I gave myself a good talking to. I firmly believe that if we’re feeling bad, it’s because we’re getting our thinking wrong, we’re giving ourselves the wrong messages. So if I was feeling bad, what was I thinking?

I was hooking my thoughts on the final minutes of the class when the dancing hadn’t gone so well. As I slipped into despondency about this, all memories of the times I’ve danced well, and really been in the swing, faded from my mind. I realised it was time for me to sideline my feelings and concentrate on getting my thinking right.

So I focused on two affirming beliefs: “I dance in time with the music” and “I enjoy salsa”. Like so much in life, I choose whether these statements are true or false: I can find evidence to support them or to disprove them; it’s up to me. So I chose to see the positive evidence to support them, and as I did so, my perception of the evening changed.

In fact it changed so much that when I got home, Tony said to me: “You must have had a good night”. I had. I had enjoyed my dancing, but perhaps more importantly, my experiences had reminded me of the situation that faces so many of those I coach, when they find their confidence oozing away. I’d practised what I preach, taken my own medicine, and it worked. You really can change the message. Don’t be fooled by your feelings. Get the thinking right, and your feelings will follow. And remember, you control what you think about. True or false? You choose.

Tips for getting the thinking right

1. Accept where you are

As soon as you notice that your thinking is not helpful, you’re most of the way there. By becoming aware of your thought patterns, you break their control over you. Be kind to yourself, recognise what you’re doing, and come into the now.

2. Use your senses

The best way I know to come into the now is through your senses. Feel the seat you’re sitting on, look out of the window and notice the clouds, listen to the sounds around you. As you do so, you’ll come into the present.

3. Choose the right messages

Turn those negative thoughts round, and rewrite the script. If you’re feeling that you’re always lost for words, for example, tell yourself that you find the right words. If your problem is that you panic, tell yourself that you’re calm.

4. Repeat the message

The time you should be working hardest on getting the message right is when it feels the most unbelievable. By repeating it to yourself, you start to remember instances when it was, indeed true. Keep going and you will overcome those inner voices of doubt. And then things are more likely to change for the better around you.

5. Enjoy the feelings

As sure as night follows day, if you get your thinking right, your feelings will follow.

Whenever you’re feeling bad, ask yourself “what am I thinking?” Get that thinking right, and you’ll be able to free yourself from negative emotions and fully enjoy life. Go out there and dance!