My challenge at a meal with so many choices is to believe in those I make, and trust that they are the right ones. In fact, whether or not they are right choices is immaterial: they’re the ones I’ve made. I try to focus on what I’m eating, taste it, smell it, enjoy it; and bring my thoughts back to these senses when my mind wanders to the other distant tasty morsels on offer.
Life is like this too. We all have an array of choices, yet at any given time, the reality of what we’re doing at that instant is all we have. It’s unhelpful to wonder “what if?”. Fantasising about how our life might be had we chosen different paths may be interesting; but it’s ultimately futile. When you’re tempted to think about how green that proverbial grass might be on the other side, it’s time to take notice, accept, and, if possible, rejoice in where you are now. The present is the only reality we really have. Make the most of it, and when life’s buffet beckons, don't be spoiled by choice.
Tips for being happier with what you have
1. Rid yourself of future fantasies
Lots of self-help books urge you to imagine the future as you’d like it to be. You’re supposed to dream a better reality into being. I’m all for being positive, and replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, and it’s good to plan for the future. But it’s not helpful to dwell on the fantasy that if only you had that partner, that job or that house, then things would be OK. You are where you are. By all means work to make things better, but remember that change becomes sustained if it comes from a place of acceptance of the present.
2. Watch yourself
The most powerful way to stop feelings and emotions from taking you over is to observe yourself. Be the Watcher. Without judgement, notice that you’re envious, angry or disappointed. This takes your attention away from the source of your dissatisfaction and helps you to be calm.
3. Consciously breathe
I recite “breathing in I calm my body; breathing out I smile” whenever I remember. It’s particularly helpful when I’m agitated as it brings me back to the present and creates space to react constructively to things.
4. Let the Joneses be
It really isn’t helpful to compare yourself to other people. There will always be others who are more successful, richer, better known. And even if you do compare yourself to others, you don’t know what’s really going on behind their perfect façade. They probably find buffets difficult too!
5. Work on your level of enough
The lower your level of enough, the happier you will be. This isn’t an invitation to mediocrity, it’s just a fact. Yes our economy depends on people wanting more, and we are urged on every side to attain it. But our spiritual and mental wellbeing depends on less being more. We all surprise ourselves from time-to-time when things don’t work out as planned, and we discover that things are actually OK, just as they are.
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So next time you find yourself looking over your shoulder wondering “what if”, bring yourself back to the present. Breathe, smile, and recognise that you are where you are. And that this is exactly where are you meant to be. To be.
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