I was sad to read earlier this year of the death of Stephen
Covey. His Seven Habits of
Highly Effective People had a profound
effect on me when I first read it.
I have since striven to live out each of the eponymous traits, and help
those I coach to see the wisdom of Covey’s teaching too. His death set me thinking about the
books that have had the most influence on my views on how people tick, and how
to get on with others. This
Christmas season I want to share with you the books that have helped me the
most. But first more on Stephen
Covey.
The most important insight I took from my first reading of Seven
Habits was Covey’s observation that between
the circumstances that come our way and our reaction to them, we have the freedom
to choose. Some say that we behave
in certain ways because of our genetics, inheritance or environment; that we
have no choice in how we respond. Covey
has no time for this view. We
choose our response to whatever situation we’re in. The choice may be a habit, to have drink, say, in the early
evening, and they may well be very hardened and difficult to break. But it is still a choice.
I find this view frightening, and empowering. It was the first time I’d come across
someone who put it so starkly. I
remember thinking to myself at the time, “So Covey’s saying that you don’t have
to allow yourself to get wound up when someone presses your buttons”. Yes, that is exactly what he is saying. The more you focus on the things you
can do something about, which always include your reactions, the more empowered
you become.
Covey’s teaching was reinforced when I read the excellent Choice
Theory by William Glasser. In his decades of practice as a
psychiatrist, Glasser found that helping people to realise they had choices in
how they react to other people, and enabling them to focus on their own
behaviour, rather than attempts to control others, paved the way to better
relationships, health and freedom.
Then I read Eckart Tolle and realised that I’d found a
unifying philosophy for all these insights into successful human relationships
and wellbeing. Tolle’s teaching is
about living in the moment (his first book is The Power of Now), accepting
what is, and freedom from the tyranny of what he calls “psychological time”. He speaks of our tendency to agonise
over the past or fret over future phantoms, when the truest liberty and
enjoyment of life comes from living in the only place we can ever be alive, the
Now.
So as Christmas approaches, I share these three excellent
books on psychological wellbeing, as well as paying tribute to Stephen Covey,
who started me thinking about this way of seeing the world. Maybe you will choose one of them as
your New Year reading. And if you
want help putting any of it into practice, why not call me to set up an initial
coaching session. I’m offering the
initial hour’s telephone session at half price (£37.50) for new clients in
January.
May Stephen Covey rest in peace. May you find freedom in choice, thriving in the present, and
a Christmas full of cheer.
